PAIN IS REAL AND CAN HELP YOU IF YOU APPLY A LITTLE OF PERSPECTIVE
I broke my heart, I invited pain in my life.
Without going much into details, our family was robbed a month ago, from there on everything else went sideways, at least that's what I thought.
They took our car and cash R55 000.
In this whole situation, I had a lot of time to re-examine my life, thinking, and behavior. At first, the process was not easy, obviously because the wound was still fresh.
Even today I still feel a little pay whenever a memory of the event crosses my mind. I try so much to not let the memory of the events steal any possible successful future I may.
With all of the above said, I am still learning and continue to look for possible ways to be better, get better, and build with what I currently have.
My debut book is "Embrace Change: Flourish in times of challenges and crisis". I felt like the universe is testing my principles and strength and more importantly waiting to see if I can live up to what I wrote and said I believe in. Once again it is not easy, but through it all, I continue to build the life that I always wanted. I just told myself and my family that despite the situation my goals and work won't stop.
I may continue to add to this later when I feel like I have something else to share. What I can share now is
- Life is really a game and whether you play or not it will continue without you - so your feelings of pain, hurt, loss, embarrassment, or whatever you going through has no influence on life. It will go on without you. All you can do is play the game because, in the end, you have to account for yourself. You will have to ask if crying and cursing about challenges were worth it or not? I'd say in my case it's rewarding to have something to look forward to. My dreams and goals did not change. so they can rob me of any materials but my dreams and goals are mine and mine to protect and grow.
- As Ray Dalio says, "It's one of those". This has helped me, it reminded me that whatever happens to us is not the end of life. Someone somewhere has gone through the same and they are solutions to your situation. Please note that the process (healing and acceptance) may be different in terms of time and approach but the answers will always remain the same. That there is a solution to your problems.
- There greater my pain the greater my reward - This is something I thought of while I remembered where I come from. My whole life I have known nothing but fighting and working. You want a job, you fight for it, you want a better life you fight for it. Everything I have built to this day involved many sleepless nights, disappointments, and heartbreaks especially when people steal and take advantage. It happens, which brings me to the next point...
- I am not special, you are not special. Good things and bad things happen to all of us all the same. It's just unfortunate that some of us take the bad news or events hard. And It's ok we are not the same. I am strong mentally as a person but I am weak emotionally. These are the things I learned a long time ago about me. So whenever I come across tough times, I listen to my mind more than my heart. For my heart to be ok I am lucky to be surrounded by a good family, and their support strengthens the emotional side of me. In your case, you also will have your weaknesses and strengths, balance them, and make sure you call upon your strengths when you feel like you can't any hold on anymore.
- Even great people make mistakes. I felt so stupid because part of me getting robbed has my hand in it. In my own way, I was too haste and ignorant. Which led to my misfortune. I realized that in our lives, there is a great pain that we ourselves bring and the is another pain that may be caused by another. The deepest cutting pain is one caused by self, at least in my case that is what I learned. This means you have to reflect and correct certain issues in your life, behavior, thinking, and somethings association. These are the things that may limit your chances of misfortunes.
- Don't by any change wish that you did not have problems, worries, or misfortunes. They will always be there. Accept that they are part of life and work on building the strength that can allow you to deal with such when the time arrives.
- Perspective is everything when dealing with challenges. Fact is no crying and cursing can change whatever bad that happened to you. Just let it go, acknowledge that loss and pain are part of life. Let it go, don't hide. Once again crying, cursing, reliving the same moments in your mind won't turn back the time or change a thing. Believe me, I tried. In pain and awareness, I just said it's my turn to grow and go through this, so I carried my pain with pride and planned my next moves. It always helps to move on when you have goals or something good that you are working on.
- I know how to hide pain very well. This is a mistake. It's ok to say you are not ok because that is the truth. For a long time, I looked everyone in the eyes. Lied and said my life is better now than ever and I feel great. Truth is that I wanted to talk. I wanted to admit that I needed help. If you are a cornerstone in your family or circle of friends. You may come to terms that one day you will have to show weakness and swallow your pride and allow the natural events of being human takeover.
- It took me 3 decades to finally accept that I am not perfect, I will fuck up every now and then. Don't punish yourself, accept the mistakes, apologise where you have faltered, and forgive where you can.
- ANGER IS REAL - ANGER can consume you to a point where you can't recognise your face. I am not going to say let it go, I am struggling with it currently but I am trying to let it go. Sometimes the people who are tasked duty wise to help you can take advantage. In my case, the police who should be helping with my cased demanded money (bribe) to help me. A man is down, and instead of helping you want to make sure you bury him disguising it as help. This is the South Africa we live in.
- Don't lose ground on reality - No matter how pumped up with faith and hope, just don't forget reality. Life that not operate on how you feel, things won't go your way to learn that. And most importantly have your limits if you are a huge risk-taker. Everyone who knows me very well will tell you that I take risks like nobody's business. This has landed me in hot water many times. It's nice to tell a heroic story about how much you take risks but reality want you to assess the situation. Take a step back, consult, and assess again to make a decision. Remember to ground yourself in reality. This is one of my biggest lessons this month. To add to this, You don't have to be afraid of taking risks, just do your assessments first.
- Some of the painful experiences we go through in life are no one else's fault but our own. That is why I say I let the pain in my life. I can point out the fact that this year I was busy desperately chasing after millions. In a way I am used to the chase, getting the next opportunity but this time and in the future, I'll know when to slow down.
- Sometimes you will fail anyway even after doing all the right things - Painful but true.
- Related to the last point, we don't always get what we want despite all the well thought of plans and preparations. The world has its way, and as I said, the world won't operate based on how you feel or what you think is right.
- In a way I am grateful, My life is not boring.
I will continue this article sometime soon...