Death Wish, Misplaced Courage


One can wonder,

Is it courage or selfishness?

What was in her mind when she chose a colourful way to end it all?

She intended to end the pain, but perhaps that's not it, perhaps there is more…

Deep cuts on her flesh with no pain, as crimson stains, run down her feet

The cut in her heart is agonizing

The scars on her feet reminded her of what was
Her soul cries desperately to be free
The stains will never wash off
Her captive mind suggestion, whispers, and gossip here and there
Nothing good the whispers spread 
The heart oh, so tender, innocent and wanting nothing but peace
Will I ever be free she asked?
In her, one hand are the colourful pills that are intended to end it all.

Her other hand is the sharp knife to make haste 
Oh, what a beautiful imagination, creativity clash with chaos.

 A way to peace perhaps, but is not up to her, somehow somewhere you are needed
Her acts would not go unpunished 
The beautiful creativity in her hand will form another beautiful chemical reaction 
We do not know whether she will see the rise again, as she lies there in agony 
Her mind is filled with regrets, split into two, one part is filled with death wishes one part wishes the pain would go away 
At that moment there is not a faint of hope 
The pain is clouding everything 
Why, why did I do it, why, why does it happen to me?

The last thing she remembers when waking is the agony that brought her to the “almost deathbed”
She is connected to the life support machine 
Nearly saw the other side but something did not allow
Wonders if this could have any meaning 
Perhaps there is more to my life, thoughts circling in her mind*
Because I am still breathing, I will give it one more try
This time not to end life but, live
Not to end pain but understand it

Not a single heartbeat will go to waste 
I am alive...



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